The freeing part for me has been watching this unfold, Seeing it for what it is, Accepting the decline, And just realizing, internalizing, I don't have to do all that. I don't have to participate, because there is no happy ending in it anymore. Most my life i had these quite specific expectations of what being a "Successful" "Artist" would look like, feel like. And i struggled to fit into those expectations, which was damaging to the way i valued myself, and restricted my ability to actualize my true vision, always second guessing myself, the old structures of art greatly inhibited me. But at this point, it's like, Wow, i just, don't care anymore ! It's all fucked and i have no more expectations. the foundation of my goals has decayed. the frivolous hunger for empty praise has dissolved. I have no model of "Success" to aspire to. So now, However insular it may be, i am just doing what feels good, for myself, sharing it here & there, but not expecting to gain anything. And for the first time in my life i actually feel very connected to my art, connected to everything i do, like it's ME, it's My Raw Self, it flows from me, i'm not hiding anything, i'm not watering myself down for relatability, i'm not trying to appeal to a certain algorithm or niche, i'm just doing things that feel instinctual, for nothing. Doing it for nothing. Doing it for, nothing.
Could the "Death" of "Art" become the saving grace of Creation? I think we should embrace the transformative aspects of death, in all areas of life. Death is not negative, death is neutral, Death & Rebirth is an inevitability. it's important to grieve too. But ultimately Death is freedom to rebuild something better
June 4 2025